Title: Wishes and Acceptance
Author: [livejournal.com profile] foreverbm
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Words: 362
A/N: Written for a picture prompt at [livejournal.com profile] qaf_sanctuary and the prompt 'touch' at [livejournal.com profile] lover100

The large Buddha whose belly I had once rubbed sat in the corner of the room. It was tempting to walk over and rub my fingers over its belly once again but instead I concentrated on the carved wooden hand sitting next to it.

Ben had brought it home from his trip to Tibet. The one he’d looked forward to for so many years and his wish to see a country that intrigued him had finally happened. He had come home with tales of amazing people, photos of countryside which left him with the urge to go back again, but next time with me, so he could share the wonderment he had found there.

He’d also come home with a cold which had turned into the flu within days. I fussed and fretted and finally dragged him off to the doctor. I’d noticed his protests weren’t as forceful as usual, and that, in itself, worried me more.

Blood tests ensued and the end result was a week of ordered bed rest which Ben agreed to without a murmur. Another worrying sign. The week was up tomorrow and he was better I knew that, his cough had almost disappeared and the restless nights which left him waking in a sweat in the early hours seemed to have abated.

I still worried though, always would.

I focused back on the hand, the meaning of which Ben had explained to me, was wish or acceptance. My wish was simple. Keep Ben safe and well. My acceptance was harder. The disease that could so quickly rob me of the love of my life is not something that I could accept as easily as Ben could. I didn’t have that inner peace that he had found.

I finally moved myself, running my hand over the carved wood of the hand as I walked past it and up to our room.

I would continue to wish and one day, maybe, find acceptance but at the moment I needed to be held by the man whose life would always be determined by some unseen disease and who I loved more than life itself.
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